I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
