So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
