Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
