somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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