So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
