i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
