She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
