Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
