Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
