why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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