wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well you can't waste a boner
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
