She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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