Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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