the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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