I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
