My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
