today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
