WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
