Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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