We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
