just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
