Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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