He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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