You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
