If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
