Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
