T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
