Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
