Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
