but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
