The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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