Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
