I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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