Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
