is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
birth control should be required to get into college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
