Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
