Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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