Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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