wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
