So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
