He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
