I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
