drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
