She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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