He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
