Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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