I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
