I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
