she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
