Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
