i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize