So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
