I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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