I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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