I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
