Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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