i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
